Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-backed approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg in the 1980s. It's grounded in attachment science: the idea that all of us need to feel emotionally safe and connected with the people we love most.

EFT starts from a simple, compassionate premise. Most couples aren't fighting because they don't care. They're fighting — or withdrawing — because they're trying to protect a bond that feels uncertain.

The negative cycle

In EFT, we pay close attention to the cycle between partners. A common one looks like this: one partner reaches out, often with frustration or criticism, because they feel alone. The other pulls back to avoid conflict or to stop feeling like a failure. The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws — and the more alone both of them feel.

EFT helps couples see that the cycle is the problem, not each other. That shift alone can bring a lot of relief.

The three stages of EFT

EFT generally unfolds in three stages:

• De-escalation — understanding the cycle and the emotions underneath it, so conflict becomes less intense
• Restructuring the bond — partners begin to share deeper feelings and needs, and to respond to each other in new ways
• Consolidation — couples bring this new sense of safety into everyday life and the problems they still need to solve

Every couple moves at their own pace, and the stages aren't always neat or linear.

What EFT sessions feel like

EFT sessions are less about teaching communication scripts and more about slowing down what's actually happening between you. I'll often pause a conversation to help each of you notice what you're feeling, what you're needing, and what your partner might be hearing.

This can feel vulnerable at first. My job is to keep the space safe enough for both of you, without blaming either one.

What the research shows

EFT is one of the most studied approaches to couples therapy. Research studies have found that a majority of couples move from distress toward recovery, and that these improvements tend to last over time. Of course, every relationship is different, and no approach works for everyone.

My EFT training

I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Colorado and New Jersey. EFT is the primary approach in my couples work, and I've completed the EFT Externship and EFT Core Skills training. You can read more about my background on my About page.

EFT couples therapy in Denver, Greenwood Village & online

I offer EFT couples therapy in person at my Greenwood Village office (Denver Tech Center), a short drive for many couples in Denver, and online throughout Colorado and New Jersey.

To see how EFT fits into the rest of my work with couples, visit my main couples therapy page. I also draw on EFT in marriage counseling, pre-marital counseling, and affair recovery.

Frequently asked questions